So as part of my never ending duties as a mommy, I attend soccer practic and games for both Colin and Ashlynn totaling about six hours a week. My favorite part is the other parents. They are more entertaining to watch than what takes place on the field.
You have the parents who are so dedicated that they have all the right equipment and gear, including the portable cooler they haul to each practice, the folding chairs that look as though they've been customized, and often come with multiple extended family members.
There are also the parents, who are on their phone either conducting business or chatting with friends doing whatever it takes to pass the time they are required to be there.
My favorite however, are the mothers who could walk out straight from the Stepford Wives novel. They are beautifully attired, even though they are trudging through the grass and mud, they are sure to wear their extravagant jewlery, and have their children frighteningly well behaved.
This past weekend, I was into my second hour of practice, and decided to take a huge risk of having a "GASP" cigarette, while I sat on the blanket and watched practice. I wasn't significantly close to any other families so I felt that since I was sitting out in the open air, that I wouldn't risk offending anyone. How wrong I was! Not more than a minute after I had lit the horrendous toxin than one of the Stepford Soccer Moms was glaring viciously at me. I immediately rose from my blanket and walked a safe distance from the field. After my guilty pleasure I returned to my spot, expecting to hang my head in shame.
However, the soccer gods granted me a beautiful gift this particular morning, she happened to be the parent of a teamate who has continually instigated fighting with Colin during practices. This particular 12 year old teammate is the one we jokingly refer to as "Man-tits". As the practice continued on, I watched Mrs. Perfect with her younger son, a sweet looking boy missing his two front teeth, making sure he sat unnaturally still. The child sat and looked miserable, not with being at his older brother's practice, but just plain miserable in general. He seemed completely isolated from any of life's reality other than the one's his mother has created. Mrs. Perfect continued to sit perfectly still with her son, moving only to shoot an occassional dirty look in my family's direction.
I knew without doubt that she had no idea how rude and disrespectful her son was behaving while out of earshot on the soccer field. Man-tits is the kind of boy that grows up bullying everyone smaller than him, simply because he's miserable and wants everyone else as equally miserable as he is. It initially made me angry that this woman would be so blatantly unpleasant to me without any provocation, while her son was being a bully with a fellow teammate. However within a few minutes, my anger subsided and instead a manipulating calm washed over me.
You have the parents who are so dedicated that they have all the right equipment and gear, including the portable cooler they haul to each practice, the folding chairs that look as though they've been customized, and often come with multiple extended family members.
There are also the parents, who are on their phone either conducting business or chatting with friends doing whatever it takes to pass the time they are required to be there.
My favorite however, are the mothers who could walk out straight from the Stepford Wives novel. They are beautifully attired, even though they are trudging through the grass and mud, they are sure to wear their extravagant jewlery, and have their children frighteningly well behaved.
This past weekend, I was into my second hour of practice, and decided to take a huge risk of having a "GASP" cigarette, while I sat on the blanket and watched practice. I wasn't significantly close to any other families so I felt that since I was sitting out in the open air, that I wouldn't risk offending anyone. How wrong I was! Not more than a minute after I had lit the horrendous toxin than one of the Stepford Soccer Moms was glaring viciously at me. I immediately rose from my blanket and walked a safe distance from the field. After my guilty pleasure I returned to my spot, expecting to hang my head in shame.
However, the soccer gods granted me a beautiful gift this particular morning, she happened to be the parent of a teamate who has continually instigated fighting with Colin during practices. This particular 12 year old teammate is the one we jokingly refer to as "Man-tits". As the practice continued on, I watched Mrs. Perfect with her younger son, a sweet looking boy missing his two front teeth, making sure he sat unnaturally still. The child sat and looked miserable, not with being at his older brother's practice, but just plain miserable in general. He seemed completely isolated from any of life's reality other than the one's his mother has created. Mrs. Perfect continued to sit perfectly still with her son, moving only to shoot an occassional dirty look in my family's direction.
I knew without doubt that she had no idea how rude and disrespectful her son was behaving while out of earshot on the soccer field. Man-tits is the kind of boy that grows up bullying everyone smaller than him, simply because he's miserable and wants everyone else as equally miserable as he is. It initially made me angry that this woman would be so blatantly unpleasant to me without any provocation, while her son was being a bully with a fellow teammate. However within a few minutes, my anger subsided and instead a manipulating calm washed over me.
Practice was wrapping up and she had finally begun packing up her things. Mrs. Perfect took her items and began to leave the sidelines while the players continued to meet with the coach, her young son was trailing slowly behind, almost dragged by and invisible leash as he walked past me, I opened my mouth for a slice of sweet justice.
"It was so rough on Colin when he found out that the toothfairy wasn't real. That it was only his father and I pretending for him." I said loudly initiating a completely fictional conversation strictly for his benefit. Instead of being irritated by his mother, I felt it would be much more just to throw a little rock into the road of her perfect and delusional world.
"It was so rough on Colin when he found out that the toothfairy wasn't real. That it was only his father and I pretending for him." I said loudly initiating a completely fictional conversation strictly for his benefit. Instead of being irritated by his mother, I felt it would be much more just to throw a little rock into the road of her perfect and delusional world.
I'm so glad those days are over. You should have gotten on your cell phone and said, "Yeah, can you believe it! The doctor said Colin has the biggest penis he has ever seen for a boy his age."
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